Five Minute Friday: Visit

I'm joining up with Lisa Jo Baker and some amazing women for Five Minute Friday. One word. Five minutes. No editing. Learn more HERE.

Today's word is:

VISIT

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Sometimes I visit the past. My past. I try to remember the details of the memories of times gone by. I used to be better at recalling those details. Maybe too good at it, as I would often proliferate on those tiny details. Now, with the 24 hour-a-day task of parenting two young children, the details become a little fuzzy.

But sometimes those memories come back to visit me, like long-lost friends. And the details feel fresh and vivid in my mind. Like passing notes to my sister in between a crack in the wall of our two bedrooms. The paper folded a hundred times over to fill the space between the walls. The giggling back and forth. Or all the times my parents took us to the beach in the summer. It was a family affair, with the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. We'd leave early in the morning to be one of the first on the beach in order to claim our preferred spot. Sometimes we were there before the lifeguards arrived, and almost always before the water was warm enough to swim in. Memories of dance parties in the basement of my cousin's house. Cranking the music up to our favorite radio songs and choreographing our own dances. Memories of time spent playing outside, without adult supervision. The neighborhoods were safe back then. We would walk down to the general store with a dollar in our hands, and come back with a brown lunch bag full of candy that would last for days.

Often these memories will arise when I'm driving. Always I think I should keep a journal of sorts, simply to record these memories of mine. Something to look back on, and something to pass on to my children.

Five Minute Friday - Broken

I'm joining up with Lisa Jo Baker and some amazing women for Five Minute Friday. One word. Five minutes. No editing. Learn more HERE.

Today's word is:

BROKEN

GO

I drove my girls to day care this morning. Leia was in the back seat crying because she didn’t like the song that was playing on the radio. We passed a man walking a dog. She cried harder because she couldn’t see it. When I shut the car off and got the kids out of their car seats, I didn’t do it fast enough. Leia cried more. When she got out of the car, she couldn’t see her day care friend in the window any longer. She threw herself on the ground and declared that she wouldn’t stand. I carried her into the house, where she continued to cry because she couldn’t find her ball. The ball was discovered and handed to her. She threw herself on the floor in the entryway, belly down, and continued to cry. Minutes that seemed like hours later, the day care provider and I were able to redirect her to some music.

Katie came in the room, and wanted to sit on my lap. She scooted up. Leia wanted my lap too. Each child got a leg. Katie began to cry because she didn’t have enough room. I took her into the other room and we sat for a minute as she told me it wasn’t fair that she didn’t get time in my lap alone, and Leia had earlier. She cried for a little while longer as a friend came over and patted her back. I attempted to leave to go to work. Katie cried more, telling me that she doesn’t like to stay at day care. I reminded her it was Friday and the weekend was coming. She asked me to stay until she go snack. In the playroom she cried harder when she discovered a cob web on the ceiling, right above her head. It was taken care of. She cried again when she kissed my forehead, nose, lips, and finally my chin goodbye. She told me she didn’t want me to leave, that she needed me, and was going to follow me out. As I walked out the door, she ran away sobbing. As I was driving out of the driveway, she appeared in the bay window of the dining room and waved as she sobbed even harder. I kept looking back, seeing her tearful face watching me leave.

As I drove away, I felt broken.

 
STOP 

Five Minute Friday: View

I'm joining up with Lisa Jo Baker and some amazing women for Five Minute Friday. One word. Five minutes. No editing. Learn more HERE.

Today's prompt is:

VIEW



I view myself in so many different ways.

A wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend...

Keeper of the laundry, dishes, cleaning, dusting, mopping, vacuuming, bath-time duties, sippy-cup filling, diaper changing, hair brushing, toy picker-upper, nose-blower, teeth-brusher, boo-boo kisser, potty companion (because you know, there might be spiders or monsters in there), tucker-inner, night-time sleep checker, etc. etc.

I think I should rearrange the order up above. Mothering always comes first.

You've seen it typed here before, a thousand times I'm sure. Mothering. It  is the most rewarding, and the most challenging experience all wrapped up into one. 

I think it's so hard for us Moms to find that time to actively and equally give to all of our relationship titles. Those babies pop out, and our priorites sure do change in a jiffy, don't they?

Lately I've been reassessing my life, my roles, and myself, and trying to figure out how to have a better balance. For the above. And for me.

I feel that while I've gained so much from the two little girls who call me "Momma," I've lost a bit of me - "pre-Momma".

I want my daughters to always know that I am there for them, and to feel and know this incredible love I have for them. But I also want to start taking better care of me. Physically, mentally, spiritually.

Because I think it's important for them to see that, too.

Five Minute Friday: Song

I'm joining up with Lisa Jo Baker and some amazing women for Five Minute Friday. One word. Five minutes. No editing. Learn more HERE.

Today's prompt is:

Song….

GO

These girls of mine, they love to sing. All day long. 

And I love to listen to them.

I love the sound of their sweet little child voices singing the words to whatever nursery rhyme or pop radio song comes into their heads. 

Leia cracks me up when she sings, "Twinkle, Twinkle yittle stah, how I wonda what yee ah."  

And Katie as she sings to Angelina Ballerina's Butterfly song, and instead of singing, 'When I'm swooping' she sings, "When I'm pooking," and I can't help but envision the little mouse ballerina puking all over the place.  

Both girls love to sing and dance. Yes, we often have impromptu dance parties, plastic spoon microphones and all. They will often ask for the radio to be on at home, or to watch music videos of their favorite songs on YouTube. Recently Leia has told me "turn up" the radio in the car, and then this morning that we couldn't get out of the car at day care yet because, "I'm dancin." Current song obsessions include, This Girl is on Fire,  I Want You Back, Gangnam Style, and anything by Taylor Swift, but most particularly, Trouble. 

And if you live around here, you may have even heard Miss Leia singing at the top of her lungs at our local Target, "OHHHHH, Twubble, Twubble!" Or as Katie says, "Fwubble."

It amazes me how many songs they know.

I will never tire of hearing their little voices as they sing.

Five Minute Friday - After

I sat in the middle of my girls' playroom last night, picking up the never-ending toys scattered around the room. My husband was making dinner (oh thank you, wonderful husband for taking over this task, and being so incredible at it to boot), and the girls were in the living room; one sitting in her kid-sized rocker watching t.v., and the other digging through an Easter basket of little toys. I happened to look up from organizing the toys back in their appropriate bins, and catch sight of my two young daughters. My two young daughters who happened to look too old to me at that moment.

I remembered taking in those last few moments of Katie being an only child. I remember her blonde hair pulled to the side with a barrette, as she sucked on her sippy cup. I remember wondering how it would all be different tomorrow, with the addition of a new child to our family. This was the before. What was the after going to be like? How would it change us, individually and as a family? I had difficulty visualizing it all.

And then, coming back to the present moment, right here before me are my two, beautiful and amazing daughters, growing up right before my eyes and far too quickly. My youngest, Leia, looked more like a little girl, and less of a baby in that moment. I was suddenly shocked to realize that she is the same age now as Katie was when Leia was born. How could this be? It seemed like just yesterday that I held this little girl in my arms for the first time. When I introduced Katie to her little sister for the first time. When our world became entirely different, new, changed. And then I looked at Katie, my first-born, who would be entering pre-school, yes pre-school, in the fall. And again I had to wonder, where did the time go?

Our lives are comprised of so many befores and afters. It's so interesting to see where this journey of life leads each of us along the way. Sometimes we are stuck in the middle of an after, and we so badly want things to be like they were before. It's not until we're truly waist-deep in the afters that we realize why that before had to happen, almost like a little push to help us along this journey, to lead us to where we're supposed to be, right now, today.

This after? I wouldn't change it for the world. It's hard to think about what life was like before little Leia came into it. When we were just a family of three, instead of four. It's even harder to  remember what life was like before Katie.

I love this after.

It wasn't long before Katie looked in my direction, as I sat in the middle of the playroom, surrounded by play food, Barbies, Squinkies, Princesses, foam swords, and goodness knows what else. She caught my eye, and I was quickly snapped out of thought. In a moment, she quietly walked over to me and asked me why I was looking at her and her sister? And why did I look so sad?

I told her because I was remembering when they were little, and how they were growing up too fast, and how I just wanted them to stay my little girls.

Sometimes we find an after that is just so beautiful and incredible that we want nothing more then to dig our finger nails into it, and hold onto it as tightly as we can.

Five Minute Friday - Remember

I remember.

I remember that sweet button nose, and how it was the strongest memory I had of you when they wheeled you out of the hospital room and took you away from me. That, and the soft pink knit hat you wore on your newborn head. The same hat I slept with when I returned home, alone, and had to leave you at the hospital for the first time.

I remember you now, your sweet sparkly eyes. Those same eyes that everyone comments on. Even strangers, the ones who stop me out in public simply to tell me how beautiful you are.

I remember the last moment when you would be our only child, that last moment before we would welcome your baby sister into this world, and into our lives. I remember watching you as you sucked from your sippy cup in your playroom, and I wondered how our lives would all be changing.

I remember the nausea, the room spinning, and then that moment when they held you, my youngest daughter up, to show me. I remember yellow. Which is now your favorite color...

I remember being brought back to the hospital room, concerns about my extremely low blood pressure. I remember how everything else faded away when they placed you on my chest for the first time. I remember just taking you all in.

I remember.



This blog post is part of Five Minute Friday hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker. Please stop by, and join in.