Thursday Thoughts

It's official. I dislike painting. It makes me nervous and anxious.
And anxious and nervous. Perfectionism is not a good trait to have.

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I'm currently in the middle of what seems like a gazillion projects and a very long to-do list. This vacation isn't exactly a vacation.

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My darling 5 1/2 month old has learned to shake her head 'no' - I hope this isn't a sign of what's to come from my independent free-spirited daughter.

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I keep hearing people comment on the whole Tiger Woods drama. Except apparently I am out of the loop, because I have no idea of the details of said drama.

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My cat has been jumping over my lap repeatedly, every few seconds, and I'm not quite sure why.

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I am in desperate need of chapstick. Good chapstick.

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I keep forgetting to go to the local library and get a library card. I think of it every day when I drive by said library on my way to and from work.

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Coffeemate's French Vanilla Creamer tastes delicious, but my stomach hates it, and me for consuming it. Note to self: never consume again.

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It's best to clean up after oneself immediately. Otherwise, the house will suffer, and so will you in thinking that you weren't very productive during your vacation.

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5 Months

Sweet girl, you are five months old today!!

What are you doing these days?

• You have been eating rice cereal for a few weeks now, one meal a day so far. Last night we introduced you to sweet potatoes. You made the funniest faces in response, but you continued to pound your hands on the high chair tray and "demand" more.


• You can roll over from your back onto your sides, and you're so close to rolling all the way over. I'm sure you'll surprise yourself, and us, when you finally do.


• You enjoy laying on your back. You will squeal and screech, getting all excited in this position. I get down on the floor with you, and try to determine what has you all excited, and I'm really hoping we don't have some friendly ghosts in the house who like to play with you, because all I see is the ceiling. :)


• You still enjoy playing in your exersaucer, though you're getting bored of your toys more quickly these days. I can't wait for Christmas! I think Santa will be bringing you lots of fun things. (Along with everyone else who will be spoiling you, I'm sure).


• You're pretty much sleeping through the night now. I tried some new schedule changes (no naps after a certain time, going to bed a little earlier, really sticking to a bedtime routine, and trying to allow you to fall asleep on your own) and you're actually sleeping much better. You will usually go to sleep around 7:30pm, and wake anywhere from 5-6am. Of course, Daddy is still trying to convince you to sleep in until at least 8 or so.


• You are becoming more and more vocal. Sounds we often hear are, "Goy, goy goy" and "Da-da-da." And of course there is the screeching and squealing you're always doing.


• You LOVE the cat. You're all smiles when he's in your sight. You could hear him meow from across the room, and you'll turn your head in that direction to try to see him. He's pretty good about letting you touch him, until you start to pull on his fur.


• You had your first "infection" that needed to be treated with antibiotics, though your pediatrician wasn't 100% sure if you had an infection in one of your ears. Because you were showing signs of such, and your ear was pretty clogged, along with a stuffy nose you couldn't get rid of, he prescribed the antibiotic to rid the ear of possible infection, along with a suspected sinus infection. And let me just state for the record, you take your medicine like a champ. You actually enjoy it.


• You had your first Halloween, and we dressed you as Princess Leia. Yes, you were adorable.

You're still one of the happiest, smirkiest, most smiley babies we know. We are so very thankful and blessed that you are our daughter.

Thursday Thoughts

all images courtesy of houzz.com

I'm terribly tired. And I'm not sure why. Katie has been sleeping through the night for the last week or so. *knock on wood* I'm blaming the time change (yes, from last week). The shorter days. It being almost dark when I get out of work at 4:30. And the weather.

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I'm so excited for Christmas this year. Well, I'm excited every year, but this year is doubly exciting. It will be our first Christmas with Katie, as well as the first Christmas in our new house. And also, our first Christmas with family coming. I guess that makes it triply exciting. I'll share a little secret with you - I think I might start decorating before Thanksgiving.

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I tried Cream of Wheat for the first time recently, and mmm, mmm, good! I actually prefer the consistency to oatmeal. Maple and Brown Sugar flavored, please.

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Okay, I'm also a little sad about Christmas. With a new baby, daycare expenses, new home expenses, and working part-time vs. full-time, this Christmas is going to be a little tight. I don't care what I get, and honestly, I don't need anything (ok, maybe a few new bras since our cat keeps finding mine and chewing through the straps), but I love to give.

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I've been doing a lot of decorating to our home - in my head (and usually at 5 or 6 in the morning when I'm feeding the little one). I wish I had the time, the money, and the means to make it just as I see it in my mind. I've been frequenting a lot of inspiring blogs and decor sites lately, which just gives me the decorating itch even more.

Right now

I. am. so. terribly. behind.


I have so many things I want to blog about. I just can't seem to find the time. Like:

* Our visit to the pumpkin patch.
* Halloween
* Katie's love of rice cereal.
* The bathtub song.
* All of Katie's sweet antics.

and so many other things...

And of course, I have so many photos to share.

I want to blog so I can remember these moments, and have them documented. And to share them with family and friends, with photos of course! (I know that's what you all are really after).

What I will say is this...

Every moment I have to spend with my sweet daughter, I do. I can honestly say that I drop everything, all the time, to be interacting with her - playing, reading a book, holding her, getting down on the floor and rolling around with her... yes, my house could be more clean. The laundry could use some more attention (and be put away once it's washed). My eyebrows need to be plucked. I need to floss my teeth more. I could be baking some banana bread. Or apple pie. Or at least attempting to, since I'm not the greatest baker.

There are a lot of things I could be doing.

But what I'd rather be doing is spending this moment with my daughter. Because there will only be this moment - this moment when she is learning something new. This moment when she's eating cereal for the first time. This moment when she is smiling and laughing with me. This moment when she's snuggled into my shoulder. Or falling asleep holding my hand. This moment when she wraps her tiny little finger around mine. Or cups her hand under my chin when I'm feeding her. This very moment that she steals my heart a little more.

The housework, the laundry, the dishes...it will all always be there. And I'll get to it...eventually.

But right now, right now, I'm dropping it all to spend with my sweet girl. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Except maybe to have some additional hours in the day, to sleep document these moments.

Four Months

At four months, you:

• are 25 ½ inches long, which puts you in the 90^th percentile for height. I think you’re going to be tall like your Daddy.
• weigh 16.10 lbs, which puts you in the 95^th percentile for weight!
• have had your first cold. Your friends at daycare are really good about sharing. :)
• smile all the time. I can always get a smile out of you when I make a kissing noise at you. I’ve also been able to get you to chuckle a few times. Still waiting on that first belly laugh, though.
• enjoy playing in your exersaucer.
• have been sitting in your high chair at dinner time with Mom and Dad. The first time we put you in it, you barely moved a muscle. I think you were a little unsure about it. Dad started playing and joking around with you, and you were comfortable in no time.
• still eat 5 oz. every 2 ½ hours – except at bedtime. You still only wake once or twice in the night.
• wore your first pigtails! - thanks to your daycare provider (hehe, Daddy couldn't blame Mommy)
  
• continue to have wild and crazy hair - Daddy calls it "orangutan hair"
• have rolled onto your side.
  

I love you, little girl. More than anything in this world.

Three Months!

Wow, things have been so busy! At the end of August, my little brother was visiting for a week. That following weekend we had my family and dh’s family over for a big ol’ lobster dinner, and then that following Monday, I returned to work. What with being back to work, I hardly have any time to get online these days, and usually if I do, it’s on the weekends. But our weekends have also been so busy! We've attended a wedding, visited family, had family visit us, and then last weekend I was sick, (still am). And guess how this weekend is looking? Jam-packed!

Phew.

But the big news today is that Katie is three months old!!

Happy 3 Month Birthday, Katie!!

Let’s see what you're up to these days:

• Still doing a wonderful job sleeping at night, usually only getting up once to eat. Thank you for that. ;)
  
• You moved from your bassinet to your crib, which I think was much harder on Mommy and Daddy than on you, even though the crib is in our bedroom!
• You are holding your own head up more and more every day. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard people comment on how strong you are for your age.
• You love to be sitting upright or standing. You'll actually pull yourself into a sitting position if someone is holding you in a reclined position.
• You're grasping and holding things on your own now. It's so fun to see you curious about your world, and able to engage directly in it.
• You love your mobile, and get so excited watching it. You'll actually squeal with excitement when it's on.
• You still love bath time, though you're giving me a run for my money with all the splashing you do, and you adore you pirate rubber ducky! You try eating his bill, and when he gets too slippery for you to hold and falls back into the water, you'll try to pick him up with your feet.
• You are intrigued by the television. Seriously – if the tv is on, you don't pay anyone much attention.And even when it's not on, you stare at the screen and get so excited.
  
• You're still continuing to grow by leaps and bounds, and roll by roll. ;) My little chunka munk.
• Your hands are always in your mouth. And sometimes we find you sucking on just your thumb.
  
• You're "talking" more and more, and it's really fun to hear you exploring the sounds you can make.
  
• You've officially rolled onto your side, and tonight you rolled from your side back onto your back!

Katie, you are such a happy and easy-going baby. People are always commenting on how "good" and content you are. You really only cry when you're hungry, tired, or need a diaper change. And lately, your cries are starting to turn into angry grumbles. Daddy and I can't help but chuckle at you sometimes when you do this.

You've completely captured all of my heart, and I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. I love you so much, my sweet girl.

Chocolate and Slush Puppies

One of the hardest days...ever.

Back to work, and having to leave my two-month old baby girl in the care of someone else.

It's not just that. It's the idea of someone else raising my child. She spends more time in day care than with me over the course of a day. Since we've been home at 5:15 this evening, she's eaten, fussed some, then fell asleep at 7, and she's been asleep ever since. I didn't even get two hours with my baby girl. It truly breaks my heart.

I want to raise my baby. I want to be with her each day. I want to hold her when she wakes, sooth her when she cries, feed her when she's hungry, play with her, talk to her, love on her...and I want to be there for it all. I don't want to miss a thing.

All my life I wanted to be a mother. And because that desire was so great, I feared I never would be able to have children of my own. After a long, difficult pregnancy that faced many uncertainties, my dream came true. On the flip side of that dream was that I would be able to be a stay at home mother to my children. Unfortunately that is not to be, and it's killing me.

I made the decision to go to college, and stupidly, an expensive one. I'm still paying off those school loans. My husband says that once my loans are paid off, I can be home. But by then my children will be in school. We might be able to make it work that I could be home if we were without the one car loan we have left (dh just made the last payment on his vehicle!), which isn't too, too much. But it's another 2 years left on the loan. And what good will that do me then? I'll have missed two years. I want to be there now. I want to be the one to raise my daughter, my sweet miracle baby.

What if she wakes and is scared? And I'm not there? What if she's hurt or sick? And she needs her Mother? What if she feels as though I've abandoned her? What if our bond weakens? What will I be missing? What if she's not happy? How will I know?

I miss her so much, and writing this is making me cry again.



Seriously, who wouldn't want to kiss on those chunka cheeks all day long?