Butter on the sheets...

and a bun in the oven.

...........................................

I had the most terrifying experience on Tuesday night. I was having horrible back pain, and had Ernie set me up in bed with the lap top. A few minutes later I felt a gush, and was horrified to discover that I was bleeding.

I remember the drive to the hospital, praying to God that everything would be okay - that the baby would be fine. Yet, at the same time, I put all my trust and faith into God and His plan. Even if it meant that things wouldn't be fine. I prayed for strength, courage, and peace.

After a few scary hours at the ER, and very heavy bleeding, I was sure that I had lost the baby. However, God had a different plan, and we were overjoyed to see our little bundle of joy squirming and moving about during the emergency ultrasound. The heart rate was perfect, as was everything else. And by the end of my time at the ER, the bleeding had stopped. I was sent home with directions to be on bed rest and to call my OB in the morning for an appointment for follow up. It was unknown what had caused the bleeding - perhaps the placenta had pulled away from the uterine wall, maybe some blood had got caught between the placenta and uterus, or worse yet, a threatened miscarriage.

I don't think I slept a wink that night. I think a part of me was holding my breath, for fear of anything else happening.

I called my OB in the morning and scheduled an appointment for the next day. I laid in bed all day, only getting up to use the bathroom. Everything was going well, or so I thought. As I came back from the bathroom at about 10:30pm that night, I felt another gush. And I confirmed the worst.

I immediately went back to bed, and called the after hours number for my OB. There was nothing more that could be done at the ER, and since I had an appointment scheduled for the morning, I was advised to wait until then. Thankfully, the bleeding stopped.

The next morning I saw my doctor. Another exam was done, and everything looked perfect. The doctor was very positive. He gave me three possible reasons for the bleeding. 1) The placenta isn't forming correctly - which he said was unlikely, as it would have shown up on the ultrasound and my cervix would be irritated 2) still the threat of miscarriage - which he thought was the least likely diagnosis based on how well everything looked and sounded 3) simply unexplained bleeding - which apparently he sees a lot. He put me on bed rest until 12/29 when he can see me again.

So, I've been in bed, or on the couch, or in bed again...let me tell you, bed rest stinks. But, I've got to do what I've got to do, right? And this bed rest stuff has put a little damper on Christmas - we had to cancel our plans of traveling to Maine to spend Christmas with my family. I'm extremely upset and sad about it - I miss my family, and was so looking forward to seeing my sweet nephews again. I was, however, given permission by my doc to travel the 10-15 minutes to the inlaws house to spend Christmas day, which will be nice.

I've spent a lot of time thinking, wondering, worrying. But at the same time, I truly am putting it all in God's hands. I trust His plan for all of this, and for this baby.

One of my family members upon hearing the news said, "How could God do this?" I'm sure there was once upon a time that I would have questioned the same. But, even in the midst of the worst bleeding, and thinking that for sure we were losing the baby, I never doubted His plan. Not once did I get angry. Not once did I question His ways. Because I know. Because I trust. Because I have faith in Him.


While things having been going extremely well (minus the boredom and cabin fever I'm experiencing, as well as trying to successfully manage eating in bed without creating a mess - I can honestly say that I've only gotten butter on the sheets twice once.) - there's been no more bleeding - I know that at any time, this storyline could change again. But for now, I'm staying positive. And as long as this baby continues to fight, then I'm right there fighting too. I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up on my sweet baby, and I'm not giving up in my faith in God. No matter what happens.